Crimes against humanity.

OK.  This will not be a very long post, but I HAVE to say something about this nonsense.  This excerpt from Yahoo News caught my eye this fine evening. 

Robert Edwards of Britain won the 2010 Nobel Prize in medicine on Monday for developing in vitro fertilization, a breakthrough that has helped millions of infertile couples have children but also ignited an enduring controversy with religious groups.

Edwards, an 85-year-old professor emeritus at the University of Cambridge, started working on IVF as early as the 1950s. He developed the technique — in which eggs are removed from a woman, fertilized outside her body and then implanted into the womb — together with British gynecologist surgeon Patrick Steptoe, who died in 1988.

On July 25, 1978, Louise Brown in Britain became the first baby born through the groundbreaking procedure, marking a revolution in fertility treatment.

So I say, “Oh hey cool, let me check this story out.”  Well as soon as I click on the link I am instantly bombarded by a picture of this guy*: 

My initial response was;

HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!  IT LOOKS LIKE GEORGE BURNS FUCKED KIM JONG-IL AND HE WAS THE RESULT!!!!!!! MEEEEERRRRRRCCCY PLEASE GOD!!!!!!

Well perhaps that reaction was a little strong, but I have been drinking a bit and wasn’t expecting it. I scolded myself:

 I mean looks aren’t everything and this is a brilliant man who has helped bring children into the world. You shouldn’t be so damn harsh Greazy… I mean that’s a pretty noble thing.  Helping couples have children who don’t have them.  Advancing science.  That’s more than you have done. You aint so pretty yourself ya fat hairy fucker…

So I continue on reading the story (weeping inside now) and I am amazed at the phenomenal things this person has accomplished for all of humanity.  This is the man who was responsible for the first test tube baby. On the Yahoo news page, the term ‘Test Tube Baby’ was a link which brought me to another site about Louis Edwards, the world’s first successful birth of the IVF process.

This Ladies and Gentlemen is what that man helped create:

My response was once again slightly overly dramatic;

HOLY FUCK MY FACE WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!!!! THAT MAN HELPED BRING THIS SHE-BEAST INTO THE WORLD!  WHERE IS MY KNIFE!? I NEED TO CARVE MY EYEBALLS OUT!!!

Well as it is, I still have possession of my sight, and my eyes are still in their proper place, although not from a lack of trying (there are some scratch marks on my face. Look she’s super hideous…I wasn’t able to control myself.) But seriously they are giving this guy a Nobel Prize for THAT.  That thing right there.  That.  This guy belongs with the likes of Dr. Frankenstein and Dr. Jekyll, for he, my dear friends has created an abomination.  If you are going to play god, you should at least create something pleasant to look at.  

Isn’t that the whole purpose of Eugenics? To make hot looking people? If we need more ugly children in the world I am sure I can oblige!  Whatever poor little bastards I spawn (and probably have already spawned) will be stocky, hairy little assholes, no matter how attractive their mother is.  It’s just inevitable. The purpose of science is to advance mankind, and I am certain that THIS foul cow does not help that cause.  

This creature makes me nauseous (like I’m not already queasy from drinking too much as it is) and I feel like I have been visually raped.  It feels as if a big throbbing dick of ugliness has penetrated my ocular lenses, brutalizing me and leaving me feeling hallow and used.  

No my dedicated readers (the whole none of you as of this posting) this man deserves to be strung up and beaten for what he has done. 

I know you may be wondering what my problem with this chick is.  Well she’s ugly no doubt, but it’s not really her or him that has me upset. Reading this article has brought some grave concerns to the forefront of my thinking.  Are all test tube babies this ugly? If so…am I test tube baby? I get the feeling I must be a test tube baby, and I get the feeling that the IVF doctor who jammed my warped  little fertilized egg up my mom’s uterus  used inferior equipment and definitely screwed up the process.

So there it is, one of my deepest fears brought to the surface.  If this ugly cow was created in a lab with a tube, I think I must have been created in a dive bar with a dirty shot glass.   Which is probably the same way my numerous illegitimate hairy children were created, except without the science part.